Wednesday…again?

Well, I don’t have much to report on the quilting front. I made a couple of more stars for Nora’s quilt, and then I laid them all out and chose the 12 I like best.

I’ve actually made 24 blocks between experimenting with this and that. Enough already! I have enough star blocks for 2 very different quilts now. Anyway…I still can’t decide how to put them together…with sashing or not, and if with sashing, I can’t decide between white or blue. And then I thought maybe I’d add little pinwheels on the sashing strips at the corners between each block… Sigh…

Actually, there’s a lot going on between me and that quilt, and I may decide to set it aside and make something else for Nora while I sort it out. It is starting to represent my frustration and unhappiness with being unwell, and those aren’t the kind of feelings I want to wrap her up in.

So…what other work in progress? How about me?I’m definitely a work in progress here, although lately its starting to feel like progress in the wrong direction as I’m finding it harder and harder to maintain my equilibrium, especially at work.

This morning I attended the second of those courses I talked about a couple of weeks ago (a broken day and a pretty dress). I don’t know…they call it a course, but it’s starting to feel an awful lot like group therapy to me. And I DIDN’T sign up for group therapy. I feel like a fish out of water. I feel irritable and impatient and I don’t like feeling that way. When I am sitting in that classroom, I don’t know who I am. And I REALLY don’t like THAT! Anyway, I am going, and I am trying to do the exercises because I am one stubborn lady who is determined to try everything she can to get better and be well again.

I don’t know what being well is going to look like. I don’t want to be an overachiever like I was before. That wasn’t healthy and look where it got me. But I do want my sense of joy back. I don’t like being a prickly pear. Somewhere inside is that joyful woman you see on the banner of this website. I want her back.

After class I went to the office. My balance beam was pretty narrow, but I was doing okay. I was smiling. I worked on an important project that took all afternoon to complete, and I was feeling good about myself – competent and capable. and kind of the way I used to feel in my job a couple of years ago.

…and then everything went to hell, and anxiety & depression are having a party in my body, making my head hurt and my stomach roll.

So I am going to go to my regularly scheduled Pilates class and see if I can work some of my stress out of me and into the mat where it belongs. And if that doesn’t work, maybe I’ll take the dog out for a walk.

Here is your photo for the day: me in my former life, dancing in front of The Big Band. Wow, that seems like a long time ago, but was actually only last year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since it is WIP Wednesday, I’m linking up:

 

 

 

About Nita

I retired early and moved to a new community. I blog about my adventures as I explore a new lifestyle. I write about quilting, knitting and needlework, about learning to sew my own garments, adventures in the kitchen and in the garden, dancing, hiking, yoga...life is my playground!
This entry was posted in Depression, Stitches and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Wednesday…again?

  1. Maybe it would be helpful to remember there’s no one right way to go about anything. Your quilt would probably be great with or without sashing….white or blue. The important thing is to try …. not to be perfect. I’m keeping you in my thoughts… wishing you well, Nita.

  2. I come from a type of people who don’t believe there is such a thing as depression – people who believed laziness was the cause of all problems… As I grew up and out I began to realize that being lazy was not the cause of some difficulties in life. I learned things that my mother thought were stupid and learned about empathy. One of my dearest friends taught me a great deal about how difficult some things can be to cope with. I am wishing that you find a light and your own special way…

  3. elle says:

    Keep moving and you’ll regain the rhythym of that joyful dance again.

  4. Fawn says:

    These are my thoughts:
    – You are beautiful inside and out. Really and truly.
    – The joy is there and you will find it again. For sure.
    – Sending love.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!